Ego is one of the natural defense mechanisms built into us to help navigate life’s challenges. However, in the process of protecting us, it can also create difficulties of its own. Consider a situation where a person (let’s call them A) has a close friend. At an event where both are present, A unknowingly does something that hurts the friend, who then stops talking to A. This makes A very upset. A struggles to accept the mistake, and at the same time, finds it difficult to initiate an open conversation or apology. As a result, guilt starts to build. If this guilt is not acknowledged and addressed quickly, it can continue to grow and become emotionally damaging.
This is where ego steps in. Its intention is actually protective. Since A cannot handle the guilt, the ego tries to shield them by shifting focus — reminding A of times when the friend was wrong or encouraging thoughts of superiority. This helps A avoid the discomfort of guilt but also creates a rift in the friendship. The ego itself is not “wrong”; it is simply trying to prevent emotional harm through alternative coping strategies.
But if A does not recognize this dynamic and resolve the situation, the friendship may suffer long-term damage. It is difficult, because ego resists anything that brings discomfort, including reconciliation. However, if A understands the true intention behind ego — its attempt to protect — A can move beyond it and repair the relationship. In this example, the ego tried to prevent inner pain but simultaneously risked destroying something deeply valuable. By learning to see and understand our ego, we can prevent it from unintentionally harming the things we care about most.
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